Lifestyles of the Man from Britain...

I Hope You Don’t Mind...

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:02:43 -0600

To the girl who will capture or has captured my heart . I hope you don’t mind but I won’t try and steal a kiss from your lips, but if I do give you a kiss I would place it on your forehead. I don’t need to hold your hand, all I would ask is that our little fingers could link. I don’t ask you for a hug every time we part, but for the words goodbye, said with a sense of lingering. I want these things because I don’t want to take those things away from you that make you a dream-girl to your future companion, especially if it’s not me... or even if it is. I hope these things aren’t a detriment to you liking me, and if they aren’t I hope you won’t mind if I .... ...

Sometimes...

Thu, 8 Feb 2007 08:55:59 -0600

There are times, sometimes, when I just wish there was somebody. Who I was dating or not. Who was someone who always seemed to have the answers to problems and questions I had. Someone who was almost like a sister. In those sometimes when I just needed to be able to reach out and touch another person, to know that they cared that much, that they liked me enough that I could just go up and hug them for no reason without it being, weird. I wouldn’t ever have to feel awkward around her, or worry about her liking me less. She would bring out the best in me, and help me to be everything I should be. Because, lets face it, there are times when I’m not on my guard. I don’t know, maybe sometimes all I want is to find my Dulcinea. To love her, pure and chaste from afar. Until then I guess I’ll just keep weaving that dream to keep me from despair. Even if she may just be moonlight in my hand, even though she may not be but flame and air.

People, Slugs and Snails?

Wed, 7 Feb 2007 13:12:20 -0600

It never ceases to amaze me how hard it is to change feelings. Sometimes you think you have, but then right when you least expect it... Boom! There that feeling is again. There are times when I feel like maybe I might do something about it but a lot of the time I just can’t seem to. I’m pretty sure that the greatest, most disciplined people, and also the happiest, are the ones who can control there emotions. Whether that be love, hate, anger, fear, but is it possible to do that without God? Is there anyone who even has that kind of control over there emotions? I sure don’t know. I just like to think sometimes, how great it would be to never be afraid, to never get angry at people, to never be annoyed by them, and to be able to control their love. I was watching “Conspiracy Theory” last night, the cleaned up version of course, and a line Mel Gibson said in it kind of stuck me. It’s when he tells Julia Roberts that he loves her and she’s not that excited to hear it. So he says, “Well I can’t help the way I feel.” But wouldn’t it be nice to be able to control that? You could love people, and then if it turned out they didn’t feel the same way, you could just not love them anymore. Or if there was someone who was really annoying, instead of tolerating them you could just not feel annoyed with them like the flip of a switch. Sometimes I think so. Because instead of being able to just not feel something you end up feeling like slugs, or snails with their feelers. You reach them out and extend them further and further and then the little kid with the stick comes along and knocks one of them. Or holds their hand over them to keep them from coming back out. Eventually it takes longer and longer for them to come back out, or they never quite seem to come back out as far, or they just don’t come out until everything is gone. Ever since I was in third grade and realized I wasn’t like the other kids. That I wasn’t accepted by them, I’ve never wanted to make anyone else feel that way. I’ve just wanted to reach out with my feelers and be their friend. I just want to be a friend to everyone and everyones friend, but so often now my feelers just never seem to make it out far enough to connect with anyone. I’ve isolated myself, in my own way, because I thought that would keep me safe. I guess when you build up defenses people can’t hurt you, but then they can’t really love you either.

Snow, Ice, and Sledding

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 23:57:25 -0600

Today was a great day. I got to hang around home for another day since classes were canceled down at MSU. So Bryan, Natalie and I all went out and had some fun trying to stay upright and sledding! It seems like its been forever since I’ve had a good day of sledding. I could really go for some skiing though! Sledding is a great alternative though :) There was a lot of ice under the snow so it actually made a great surface for the old runner sleds we got from Grandma’s house. Usually they aren’t that great because they just sink into the snow, but today they flew! We could start from the top of our lane and sled all the way past our gates! One time after the sled came to a stop and Addy and Daisy ran up to me, I just lay there on the snow and ice and looked up at the clouds zooming by. It was very peaceful. I just seem to be so busy all the time. I’ve been meaning to go stargazing or something like that, but it just seems like I can’t make the time to do it. So it was nice, just looking for shapes in the clouds. I can’t wait to get back to school because I have a lot of really interesting classes this semester, but at the same time I love being home, getting to spend time with my awesome family! So I guess I’m happy either way :D I’d feel great being down at school, and I’m happy to still be here too. Well I guess that’s it!

How We See Ourselves

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 23:35:55 -0600

“How we see ourselves changes how we see the world”
- Professor Larry Fleinhardt

I was just thinking tonight about how true that statement is. For me anyway. I find that at those times in my life when I felt good about myself, confident and sure. I looked at the world with a very positive outlook. Things could come, but I always have a smile on my face. At those times where things weren’t going as well, or when I didn’t feel as great about myself. Such as getting over a broken heart, etc. During those times the world no longer seemed full of hope and opportunities. It was the end, the girl I liked didn’t like me after all this time so how could anyone else ever like me either. So my life ahead looked like it would be devoid of romance. I was also stupid to not see that the relationship wouldn’t work. So I would probably just make stupid mistakes in the other areas of my life as well. So basically the world was a hard bitter place where I would never succeed in much of anything, except to maybe scrape out a miserable,meager existence. Not a whole lot of point to that I guess. I just thought it illustrated the quote in my own life. So I guess the moral of the story is, if the world seems like a cold, heartless, miserable place to you and you feel like there’s nothing good in it for you. Take a look at how you see yourself and realize that just because you may not think you’re doing that great right now doesn’t mean the world holds no hope, joy, or good things.

I Used to be a Sentimental Guy

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 09:08:40 -0600

I’ve been evaluating a bunch of things lately and I realized that I’ve kind of allowed cynicism to creep up on me. Love, romance they’re hollow words. I can’t even get excited for other people. When I see they’re in a relationship I say to myself, “I wonder how long that’ll last?” “Ah, its just going to end like most of the other happy couples I know.”
Then there’s the whole awkward conversation with people who you’ve know have just started dating. I mean what do you say to them? Congratulations, hope it’ll last. Try not to be too happy? Like I said maybe I’ve just allowed myself to slip into a cynic slump, but not only can I not be happy for myself, but I’ve seen so many other people I know have their hearts broken that Its hard to be happy for other people either! I think it’s fine to have a healthy cynicism, in that you don’t place all you joy and happiness in a relationship, but at the same time I think its unhealthy to always look at the pursuits of love and say, “Ah, its too good. It won’t last” or my personal favorite, “It won’t ever work out.” I guess it all stems from my own discouragements in the area of romance. There was a time that I considered myself to be fairly romantic, or at least I entertained grand and glorious romantic schemes. Now I don’t have those kinds of ideas anymore. I guess its just because I’m not sure its worth it anymore. I don’t have the romantic drive. None of my schemes ever really worked out anyway :) So I guess its no big loss that I don’t have them anymore. Dad would probably say I’ve lost my hopeless romanticism. Which I guess is good and bad. Its good because I don’t waste the brain power, but bad if I ever want to attract anyone. Actually that’s something to think about. Why do we use the word attract? It sounds like you’re baiting a trap or something. Anyway, maybe its good that after all of these years of me kind of letting my romantic notions run freely that I find myself repressing them. Maybe it’ll be helpful in the long run. You know if someone is worth it I’ll wake up and actually do something about it. That being said there are some people who are hard to repress. Maybe if I could just stop shooting myself down with them I might actually get somewhere. I just want to make sure the next person I pursue is the right person. Someone who loves God, loves me, and who I can help and can help me in my walk. Someone who I can have a zionic home with and who’s willing to give up whatever it takes and know that whatever happens He’s there. I’m hoping when that girl comes along then I’ll be able to sweep her off her feet. I just hope I’ll recognize her.

Review “The Nativity Story”

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:11:29 -0600

Well the other night a bunch of us loaded up and went and saw “The Nativity Story.” It was a really well done movie. Why!? Why are people doing all these great movies about the life of Christ!? What is there going to be left for me to do once I’m at a point where I can think about making a film! :D I mean look how long its been since really well filmed scripture based movies were made? I’ll probably be 70 years old or something! Anyway, back to “The Nativity Story.” Even though it didn’t follow the scriptural account of the nativity very well, it was still very moving. I even cried. It was at the part where the last wise man gives his gift of mir and says, “For your sacrifice.” I just saw that little baby and it brought back to remember what it really was that Jesus did for me. Here he was this little child and his purpose was already to die for me, so that I could come back into the presence of my God. Every sin I commit, he takes as long as I repent of it. Even in those times when I do fail, and I fail a lot, he is always there to pick me up and forgive me. He never judges again. He doesn’t hold it against me if he knows that even in just a few hours, days, months later I’ll do it again. He doesn’t leave me in my sin either. He helps me to overcome them, if I ask him and no matter how many times he still forgives me when I come to him really seeking forgiveness. I know this holiday season I’ve already got the best Christmas gift. A gift that never grows old, never decays. Its a gift that everyone has on this Earth. The gift of God’s love for us, even when we are so rebellious against Him. Thank you Lord for the gift that lasts forever. I pray this Christmas that my gift to you can be that of a willing, moldable heart to serve you by the love and joy I try to show to others.